I can keep crying or just do something about it. It will be an emotional roller coaster, but as always, endorphine will be the solution. My eye falls on Stehekin, a small town at the end of lake Chelan.
The cheapest and safest place to leave Oto is $35 and that sucks. Although its Sunday the ranger opens the information station when I seek help in town. He offers a parking spot at the Twenty Five mile ranger station for free and will keep an eye on Oto. Thats helps.
The kayak is always a bit of a hassle. When its loaded there is not much I can do with it, and many time it takes all my strength to pull it up the shore. This time I launch my kayak by sliding it down some stairs and when its almost at the water level I loose control. It slides straight into a canoe at the bottom of the launch dock. I try to pull it back out, with the only result that is slides even deeper into the canoe. I am at the point of crying again. I can only see one solution. And so I sink the canoe and float the kayak out of its stuck position. Sorry.The paddling goes smooth and after 3 hrs I find a bivy spot on a rock and start feeling better.
From the 29 miles, there are 20 miles left for tomorrow according to the map. Whoosh, the wind picks up my map and blows it into the water. My luck, I camp near the deepest point of the lake, 453 meter deep and gone it is. That sucks. The spot is just behind a land beacon with many gun shot holes in it and that can suck. I sleep very well nonetheless.
The mountains are a bit boring and I just push for it. 7 hrs of just plain paddling. I hardly rest. I start feeling better with every stroke. It works as a trance, I get tired, I stop thinking and forward I go. 
I am death tired when arriving in Stehekin and the free campground is horrible. That will ruin my mood and I start worrying. Also here the ranger helps me out though, and points me to a campground across the lake. More paddling, lots of mosquitoes, lots of biting black flies. I am all alone though, and the view is good. The following day I spend lingering around the dock, swim, read, swim, read, linger, swim, read. That feels good.
I feel much better the next day and paddle over to Stehekin. The bakery has amazing bread and the organic garden sells me some goat cheese. Back at camp the neighbour drops by and hands me a big lake trout. With a blunt knife, I butcher the fish, I pop open a beer, and life is pretty good again. Also feeling very proud that I filleted my first fish ever. I can handle life again it won’t get me down. 
There is more reading and swimming the next day and in the afternoon I go kayaking with D, the local kayak guide. We never find the waterfall we were directed to and the way back is a struggle against the wind. I do feel good though. 
The evening I spend at his house, where the seasonal workers are having a party. They are young and its as always here in the USA, only about drinking. I am bored and feel depressed, but I am dreading the paddle back in the dark to camp. One of the hotshot firefighters gives me suddenly a hug, a kiss and whispers in my ear that I am amazing. X offers me a couch in his house and a bike for the next day. Thank you both, it saved the night for me.
I am healed and its time to paddle the 10hrs back. The plan is to spend the night at the same bivy spot, but gun shots automatically point the kayak to the other shore. Welcome in America. I bivy again alone and feel very good. Love this life, love to be active during the day, love to sleep under the stars. Jeh, life is good again.
Iris (Chelan, 47253 miles)
